Don't Look Back! The Feedforward Approach to Success

I once attended a seminar on the topic of giving feedback, presented by a leadership consultant who had coached and advised several executive clients in his career.  During his presentation, the consultant described an interaction he once had with a company CEO who had just filmed a video speech for distribution to the company’s employees. The CEO asked the consultant for feedback on his performance in the video. The consultant said he responded as follows:

“I told him the truth. ‘You stank!’ I said. ‘You just stank!’”

I gather that the consultant had a good enough relationship with the CEO that he could get away with saying that. I also gather that the consultant’s message to us was: As a consultant/coach, you owe it to your clients to tell them the unvarnished truth.

Now, to the consultant’s credit, he also proceeded to say that he provided specific behavioral examples of what the CEO did wrong and could have done better. As I’ve noted before, feedback does no good unless it’s specific enough to guide the recipient to particular actions he needs to change. But I also wonder whether the CEO actually heard much of anything else the consultant had to say after being on the receiving end of such an odious (and odorous) judgment.

I think this situation is a good example of the potential downsides of trying to “help” someone by giving him feedback. The author and consultant Marshall Goldsmith makes the following (somewhat radical) observation about the nature of feedback:

“There is a fundamental problem with all types of feedback: It focuses on the past, on what has already occurred – not on the infinite variety of opportunities that can happen in the future.”

Goldsmith goes on to point out other problems with feedback – for example:

·         Feedback tends to overfocus on gaps, deficiencies, and shortcomings. “Negative feedback often becomes an exercise in ‘let me prove you were wrong,’” says Goldsmith. “This tends to produce defensiveness on the part of the receiver and discomfort on the part of the sender.”

·         No matter how much we remind ourselves that feedback is about our performance, not about us personally, in practice few people can make that fine distinction. As Goldsmith observes, “Almost all feedback is taken personally (no matter how it is delivered). People’s sense of identity is highly connected with their work. It is hard to give a dedicated professional feedback that is not taken personally. Personal critiques are often viewed as personal attacks.”

·         By focusing on the negative, feedback can reinforce the recipient’s sense of futility in the pursuit of improvement.  Says Goldsmith: “Feedback can reinforce a feeling of failure. How many of us have been ‘helped’ by a spouse, significant other, or friend who seems to have a near-photographic memory of our previous ‘sins’ that they share with us in order to point out the history of our shortcomings. Negative feedback can be used to reinforce the message, ‘this is just the way you are.’”

So does Goldsmith advocate that people just ignore those areas where a change in behaviors and actions could lead to improved performance?

Hardly. Instead, he proposes an alternative to feedback called “feedforward.” In essence, feedforward proceeds from the individual’s request for ideas for improvement in a very specific area. The person receiving the request then provides one or two quick ideas that the individual might consider trying out. The only reply permitted is “Thank you” – no discussion, no comment, and certainly no push-back (“I already tried that, and it didn’t work”). The individual then seeks to get as much feedforward input from as many people as she can, to create a database of ideas from which she can select.

According to Goldsmith, the advantages of the feedforward approach include:

·         Rather than getting stuck on the problems of the past, the individual focuses on future possibilities and begins to envision herself successfully changing her behavior.

·         The approach encourages positive, forward-looking thinking and keeps the individual’s mind on how she might be able to put one or more of the ideas into effect.

·         By proceeding from the individual’s request, the approach reinforces the idea that the individual ultimately has ownership of the issue and the selection (and implementation) of the idea.

·         By not permitting a response, the approach avoids the major downfall of most advice-giving, that is, the tendency of the recipient to bring up reasons why it won’t (or didn’t) work.

·         Unlike feedback, which can really only be given by someone very familiar with the individual’s past performance, feedforward ultimately can be given by anyone!

I think Goldsmith’s feedforward approach is consistent with the “coaching through the gap” approach I’ve described previously. Both methods start with a “current state” – the identification of something that the individual wants to change – but very quickly move toward a vivid envisioning of a desired future goal. The bulk of the coaching interaction then focuses, not on why things are the way they currently are, but on how to start moving toward that better future state as quickly as possible.

(The primary difference, I think, between feedforward and coaching through the gap: In the latter, the brainstorming of ideas for change should start with the coachee, to reinforce his ownership of the entire process. Only after the coachee has generated some ideas should the coach offer some feedforward ideas of his own.)

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

·         Is your approach to “helping” people primarily focused on giving them feedback as to things they’re not doing right? Do you get the sense that that approach is causing negativity, defensiveness, and a sense of futility?

·         In your coaching sessions, do you provide people an opportunity to first volunteer their own assessment of their performance and the areas in which they need to improve? Do you then give them a chance (through powerful questioning) to start populating the database of ideas for how they might act differently in the future? Only then do you start to contribute some ideas of your own?

·         What would happen if you – for your own development – asked several people to provide “feedforward” input for a behavior of yours that you’d like to change?

Is There a Recipe for Leadership?

In my first job as an editor for a major book publisher, I had the privilege of working on a revision of Joy of Cooking, one of the most famous cookbooks of all time. (I’ll hasten to point out - especially to current users of the book - that, given my lack of culinary expertise, my role on the project did not involve editing any of the recipes themselves.)

I’m reminded of my Joy of Cooking experience whenever I encounter business books with titles like The Acme Way or Leadership Secrets of [insert name of historical figure here]. I suspect that many people buy these books with the expectation of finding detailed recipes for action that tell them exactly what to do to get the same results as Company A or Person B.

I began reading my own recent book purchase, Talent Management (edited by Larry Israelite), with my usual eye toward whether the authors would encourage this line of thinking by the reader. (“Talent management,” by the way, refers to the collection of things that a company does – interviewing, onboarding, goal-setting, coaching, individual development planning, engagement, etc. – that help employees do the best they can every day to achieve their own and the company’s objectives.)

So it was refreshing to read the following passage on the very first page of the editor’s Introduction:

“I am making no claims whatsoever that what is presented here represents ‘best practices in talent management.’ That would be presumptuous at best and, based on the history of this sort of thing, potentially dangerous. Rather, the authors who have generously contributed chapters to this book describe those talent management practices that have worked for them in their organizations. No one is claiming that what worked for them will work for you – though all who have contributed, I expect, believe that their firm’s talent management practices do contain some universal truths about how to manage talent so that its value is maximized.”

I think that Israelite is making an important observation here about the nature of leadership in general. Leading organizations and individuals is not a matter of finding the appropriate recipe for action for every situation and then applying it to the letter. Rather, leadership is about acknowledging universal truths and general guidelines (what I’ve also referred to as heuristics) and using them to inform rather than dictate action.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

Israelite’s observation about universal truths also reinforces one of the YES! Leader themes: Leadership is more of an improvised performance than a scripted play. As I’ve shown, improv is neither about memorizing predetermined lines nor about inventing everything totally on the spot. The performance improviser – and the YES! Leader as well - uses several intervening structures as a guide to her performance and then fills in the blank spaces within the structure as she goes, making in-the-moment adjustments as needed to address each situation as it unfolds.

What are some of the guidelines that inform your leadership practice? Which of the following guidelines (as developed in the YES! Leader blog) might be useful for you?

·         Being a YES! Leader means applying the ExploreFlexSupport model.

·         Leadership involves the appropriate balance of two behaviors: Telling and Asking. (Adjust as necessary.)

·         Leadership involves the resolution of (seeming) contradictions. Frame issues in terms of “both-and” rather than “either-or.”

·         Say “Yes And.” “Yes And” doesn’t necessarily mean Agreeing with the Position, but it does mean Accepting the Person, Acknowledging the Possibilities, and Advancing with Positive Purpose.

·         Negative energy is often stronger than positive energy. Cultivating positivity requires special attention, ongoing awareness, and eternal vigilance. 

The Slippery Slope of Support

In my previous post, I described William Oncken’s contention that a manager must leave the accountability for tasks with his team members rather than assume that accountability himself.  Oncken used the analogy of a “monkey on the back” to make his point, saying that a manager needs to keep the monkey (i.e., the accountability for the task) on his team member’s back rather than letting it leap onto his own.  I also noted the critique of Oncken's analogy by Steven Covey, who said that, rather than just blocking the monkey’s leap, a manager should provide the team member some measure of support in the care and feeding of the monkey.

Many leaders find this “support zone” to be strewn with banana peels, creating a particularly slippery slope. As a leader, you may think you’ve effectively coached a team member to create a good plan to deal with a problem … only to find yourself leaving the coaching session with more to-do’s on your plate than the team member. These to-do’s can take the form of such items as:

1) Redistributing some of the team member’s tasks so he can focus on his action plan;

2) Agreeing to go talk to others on his behalf so they can lend him some help;

3) Gathering information that he will need to implement his plan;

4) Monitoring his work daily and signing off on every step.

Certainly there may be situations when each of these actions on your part might be appropriate. On the other hand, many times these are really examples of retaining a monkey (or at least a partial monkey) rather than having it reside with its rightful owner – the team member.  For each of the above items, ask yourself the following questions respectively:

1) Do any of us have the luxury of focusing on only one problem at a time? Wouldn’t it be better for the team member to learn how to integrate his problem-solving into the rest of his workload?

2) Can’t he go talk to these people just as well as I can?

3) Can’t he find and process that information just as well as I can?

4) If I’m approving his every step, who’s really making the decisions about how to do the work?

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

Many leaders accept monkeys from their team members with a certain degree of reluctance. Like a retail customer, they may vow that they’re not going to be sold anything they don’t want, only to leave the encounter with a plateful of monkeys.

On the other hand, as Steven Covey points out, “many managers are actually eager to take on their subordinates’ monkeys.”  One of the reasons, notes Covey, is that the leader may “subconsciously fear that a subordinate taking the initiative will make [the leader] appear a little less strong and a little more vulnerable.” I also think many leaders (especially new ones) still think of themselves as “doers” rather than “managers” of the tasks. Rather than navigating the uncertain frontiers of influencing and motivating others to perform, they just revert to the surer ground of grabbing the monkey and doing the job themselves.

Why do you think you may be taking on more than your share of monkeys? Do you just have a hard time saying “No”? Do you feel you’re doing your team members a disservice by not “helping” as much as you can? Are you concerned that, if your team members learn to solve their own issues, you won’t be needed anymore? How can you continually remind yourself of the importance of “leading vs. doing”?

The YES! Leader Meets the Monkey

Performance improvisers are taught to take responsibility for themselves onstage while also reinforcing the efforts of their scene partners. They must both offer scene choices and accept the scene choices made by their partners.

This give-and-take can be a tricky business. Each performer needs to chart a middle course between asserting too much of the scene content (and thus taking over) and passively waiting for the other to make the next move (and thus relinquishing responsibility for the scene’s direction).

This middle course has a name: Support. On the improv stage, support consists of letting your partner run his game while also contributing your own thoughts and ideas – all without slipping to either side (taking over vs. abdicating responsibility).

This common improv dilemma came to mind recently as I was reading a famous 1974 Harvard Business Review article by William Oncken titled “Who’s Got the Monkey?” Oncken uses the metaphor of a monkey on one’s back to illustrate how leaders are often quick to take team members’ problems (their “monkeys”) onto their own backs rather than leaving the problems on the team members’ backs. By regularly taking on these monkeys, the leader creates several additional monkeys of her own:

·         She overburdens her own time by doing the work rather than managing (i.e., delegating) it.

·         She becomes a bottleneck as people wait for her to take care of all of their problems.

·         She fails to develop her people’s ability to become self-reliant problem-solvers.

This all leads to a vicious cycle: The more monkeys the leader takes onto her back, the more she encourages her people to keep bringing her monkeys, and the less they learn how to feed and care for their own monkeys.

Steven Covey points out that Oncken’s basic recommendation – Give the problem back to the subordinate – was a welcome (and radical) departure from the command-and-control management philosophy of the time. But Covey also notes that Oncken may have gone too far in suggesting that the leader merely block the monkey’s leap. Instead, Covey proposes some additional leader actions that can keep him more on the “support” middle ground mentioned above.

First, as Covey notes, “when you give problems back to subordinates to solve themselves, you have to be sure that they have both the desire and the ability to do so.” As a leader, you can do this by applying Situational Leadership, which involves assessing the follower’s level of ability (do they know how to do it, have they done it, are they doing it?) and willingness (are they confident, committed, motivated?). Based on your assessment, you can then accompany your monkey-blocking behavior with the right amount of task behavior (e.g., showing how to feed the monkey) and/or relationship behavior (e.g., motivating the follower by emphasizing the importance of having happy monkeys).

Second, says Covey, “To delegate effectively, executives need to establish a running dialogue with subordinates. They need to establish a partnership.” Just blocking the monkey and saying “You take care of it” cuts off further communication and basically (to mix metaphors) tells the follower “The monkey is in your court.” The “partnership” Covey advocates can take the form of coaching, in which the leader helps the follower by asking powerful questions to stimulate the follower’s thinking and facilitate the follower’s ability to arrive at his own solution.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

What is the distribution of monkeys on your own team? Do you carry the majority of them on your back? Do you insist – without doing more – that other team members care for and feed their own monkeys? Or do you maintain the middle ground by supporting team members as they tend to their monkeys?

Planning vs. Improvising

Improv performers are often told to “get out of your head” – that is, quit thinking so much and just act! On the improv stage, a performer can’t spend time scriptwriting in his head but must take action as quickly as possible and trust his onstage partners to support him.

There are many parallels here with the organization environment. It’s one thing to (say) attend a class in conflict management, read a list of best practices on a Powerpoint slide, and apply them to a case study after a 30-minute discussion with your table team. It’s quite another thing to go back into a live work environment and try to apply the practices when you’re suddenly confronted by two employees having a knock-down drag-out verbal fight. In that situation, you can’t say, “Hold that thought, guys – let me refer to my Powerpoint and call my table team.” No, you have to act now!

In those “on the fly” situations, I think most people would value the ability to act improvisationally and not get stuck in their heads, mulling over what to do while the conflict spirals out of control in front of them. But does that mean that every situation calls for improvisational action? Of course not – and I sometimes think that this is one of the biggest barriers to people’s acceptance of Applied Improvisation: The perception that improvisation means totally shutting off your mind and acting by instinct in all situations. On the contrary, there are many situations that require us to slow down, deliberate, and carefully plan what we’re going to do.

So does this mean that the improviser’s art has no place in the world of planning? To address this, I’ll cite one of my favorite quotes, by that great daily improviser Dwight D. Eisenhower:

“Plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.”

Essentially, Ike was recognizing something that the Heath brothers (authors of Made to Stick) also acknowledged: No plan survives contact with the enemy. In other words, a plan-on-paper is built on certain assumptions about the future that will inevitably turn out to be incomplete, slightly off base, or just flat-out wrong. Because of this, sticking rigidly to the plan will likely lead to a march over the proverbial cliff.

But even if the plan is “useless” (and Ike was clearly overstating for effect), the process used to create it is essential  - because, by immersing himself in the problem space and turning over the various possibilities in his mind, the planner trains his mind to bend and flex with each contingency. When reality throws the inevitable unanticipated event in his face, the planner is then in a better position to address it in the moment – i.e., to improvise – because of his mental preparation. Just as the performance improviser prepares by cultivating a mindset of “expecting the unexpected,” so can the planner remain open to the need to change on the fly rather than becoming wedded to his plan.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

How do you regard a plan? As a mathematical formula that must be followed exactly as written in order to get the right answer – or as a framework for action? How do you react when reality doesn’t cooperate with the assumptions cooked into your plan? Are you paralyzed - or can you improvise?

Improvisational Photography: Just Letting the World Happen

For my first job out of college, I worked for two years as an editor for a book publishing company.  Every day when I walked into my cubicle, I had to pinch myself as a reminder that, yes, I was actually getting paid for reading books! (And even though the salary wasn’t that substantial, I have to say in retrospect that my psychological paycheck was huge.)

Since those editorial days, my career path has taken a long and winding road to my current point on the journey. I’ve loved some of my way stations (such as my current one) and regarded others as nothing more than a (hard) learning experience. Yet, through it all, that first job has always called out to me, waving from the distant starting line.

Prompted by my ever-present nostalgic streak, I recently took a detour from a planned trip and traveled back to the site of that first job – a place I hadn’t visited since I punched out for the last time many years before. I had brought along my good camera so that I could snap a picture of the part of the building where my cube was located. As I drove down the street that bordered the building, I intended to stop my car by the roadside, adjust my camera, carefully frame the shot, and capture the view for posterity.

But as I approached the building, I realized that there was no good place to pull over. Feeling pressed by the traffic bearing down on me from behind, at the last minute I grabbed my cell phone, stuck it out the driver’s side window with my left hand, and (keeping my eyes fixed on the road ahead) took a Hail Mary shot that I hoped would capture at least some of the building.

Given my schedule, I knew that I couldn’t double back to try again. So I headed back to the main highway, kicking myself for blowing my only chance and preparing myself to see a fuzzy picture of a ditch by the side of the road.

So imagine my surprise the next day when I saw the following image in my phone:

There it was: A perfectly centered, in-focus shot – with the sun forming a halo effect directly over the part of the building where my cube used to be located.

I can’t say that I found any cosmic significance in the image that resulted from my point-and-click moment. No, the message for me was a bit more down-to-earth: That sometimes just letting things take their course can result in even more amazing outcomes than we could bring forth if we tried to plan and control everything in advance.

Hmm, on second thought, maybe that is a pretty cosmic message.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

One of the hallmarks of an effective improviser is the ability to give up the need to plan and control what happens next in a performance. This requires improvisers to trust their fellow performers and to trust that great things will emerge from the collaborative process.

Here are some questions to consider in your own practice of YES! Leadership:

·         To what extent do you try to control every outcome – including the actions of the people who might generate those outcomes?

·         What would happen if you just “let go” and lived with some discomfort for a bit while things (and people) took their natural course?

·         When things don’t go according to plan, do you anticipate the worst? Or do you keep yourself open to the possibility that things might work out even better than you could have planned?

Don't Lose Your Head! Protecting Your Personal Brand

What comes to mind when you think of the word Disney?  If you’re like most people, you probably would answer with words like “fun,” “family-friendly,” “entertaining,” and even “magical.”

Such is the power of branding. A brand can be defined as a set of perceptions developed in people’s minds based on many experiences and touch-points over time. If each of those contacts (either personally or via word-of-mouth) is positive, the company’s brand is reinforced accordingly. People then trust that future interactions with the company will result in a similarly positive experience.

But what would happen if you went to Disney World and saw the Mickey Mouse character reclining in the grass with his “head” lying next to him? For most people, this would likely shoot their whole image of Disney as a place to suspend disbelief and escape the “real world” for a while. (In fact, when I mentioned this image in a recent session, a participant immediately exclaimed “Oh, no!” – as if the mere suggestion were enough to burst her bubble.)

                                                                                   

Disney is of course a famous company brand. But can a person have a brand? Can you have a brand? Of course – as becomes clear when you apply the above definition of a “brand” to yourself.

Other people form perceptions of you via the actions you take over a period of time. These “touch-points” they experience leave a certain impression of you in their minds. If the impression is strong enough, they’re likely to mention it to others, who will very likely form that same impression (even if they’ve never met you). In their subsequent contact with you, each of these people then carries a set of expectations (either positive or negative, depending on their experience) of how you will act.

And, as in the case of Mickey Mouse lounging next to his head, it can take only one strongly negative experience – one “Oh, no!” reaction – for your brand image to be destroyed.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

Improv performers know that it’s the small things – timing, gestures, stage presence – that make a big difference in the success of their performance. Two performers might come up with equally creative lines, but if one says them confidently and “on the beat” while another consistently stumbles over the words and speaks to the floor, there’s no question of who will leave the better impression with the audience.

Similarly, the YES! Leader's personal brand can be negatively impacted by small yet chronic actions that always hit just the wrong note. While (as with the Mickey Mouse head) one big action can sabotage your brand, more often it’s a series of those little off-key actions that can slowly erode your positive image in others’ minds.

Take a look at the following sample list. Which of these might describe a chronic off-key action of yours?

·         Making sarcastic comments at others’ expense.

·         Exhibiting a cynical attitude about anything and everything.

·         Overpromising and not quite delivering.

·         Using Idea Killers to stop discussions in their tracks.

·         Dominating discussions and acting as a know-it-all.

(And if you don’t think you ever engage in any chronic off-key actions, I challenge you to actively seek honest feedback from those around you. You might be surprised at what you hear.)

The Power of Positive Standards

OK, it’s YES! Leader Pop Quiz Time!

You’re sitting in your office when an employee of yours named Chris marches in and launches into the following rant about another of your employees named Ed:

“You won’t believe what Ed just did! I thought we said the whole team had to agree before taking on any new work. But now I hear that Ed promised Chandra in Accounting that we’d create some new reports for her by the end of the week! So we all have to bust our behinds while Ed comes off looking like a hero! What kind of guy would pull a rotten stunt like that??!! I’ve just about had it with him!!”

Which of the following would be the best thing to say to Chris?

(a) “Wow, that was a pretty rotten thing to do!”

(b) “OK, OK, just calm down. Let’s do some problem-solving here.”

(c) “I know how you feel.”

(d) None of the above.

You probably know not to select Option (a). Besides not having the full story, you don’t want to be seen as taking sides in the issue. Otherwise, Ed may feel as if you’re ganging up on him, which could poison your (and Chris’s) subsequent relationship with him.

At first glance, Option (b) may sound good, as a way to get past Chris’s emotion and tackle the issue in a coolly rational way. However, ignoring emotions won’t make them go away, and in fact may aggravate the issue if Chris feels that you’re patronizing him and dismissing his concerns. And no matter how much you tell him to “calm down,” he’s still likely to be under the influence of his emotions – and thus won’t be in a problem-solving frame of mind anyway.

So if we don’t want to take sides or ignore Chris’s emotions, then Option (c) might seem to be a good choice. Unfortunately, it also risks running afoul of the downsides of either (a) or (b). Chris might react (at least internally) in one of two ways:

·         “If you know how I feel, then you’re agreeing that I’m justified in feeling that way” – which means he thinks you’re taking his side.

·         “You don’t know how I feel! Nobody could know how I feel right now!” – which means he thinks you’re patronizing him.

So that leaves Option (d) as the best answer – which still doesn’t tell the YES! Leader what to do. To supply the answer, I'll suggest the following four-step process:

(1) Check for Understanding. “You say Ed made a commitment without consulting the team.”

(2) Name the Emotion. “This is about as angry as I’ve ever seen you.”

(3) State a Positive Standard. “We need to make sure we’re all working together as a team.”

(4) Test for Coaching Readiness. “What’s most important for you right now?”

This approach has the following benefits:

(1) Check for Understanding. This lets you validate your understanding of the facts of the issue and shows Chris that you’re truly listening.

(2) Name the Emotion. This lets you test whether you’ve grasped Chris’s emotions of the moment and shows that you care as much about the impact on him as the impact on the team’s work.

(3) State a Positive Standard. This lets you establish the standard that any resolution of the issue will need to meet – regardless of what the “true facts” of the matter turn out to be. By stating this, you maintain your neutrality while also subtly reminding Chris that he might also have contributed to undermining the teamwork principle (by, say, leaping to conclusions about Ed’s behavior rather than working things out with Ed directly).

(4) Test for Coaching Readiness. By asking what’s most important for him right now, you’re essentially testing Chris’s readiness to put his emotion aside and start focusing on a solution. If he’s open to problem-solving, you can then engage him in coaching so he can devise an appropriate course of action. If he’s still in the grip of his emotions, you may find you can best serve him by just acting as a sounding board and letting him vent. (That may be all he wants to do anyway.)

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

Notice the connection between the Positive Standard concept and the “position-interest” distinction I described in my previous article.  Basically, a Positive Standard represents an attempt to get Chris and Ed past their conflicting positions by framing a common interest that can serve as the basis of a mutually acceptable agreement. As long as each holds to his position (Chris: “Ed’s actions were rotten!”; Ed: “I was helping another group!”), the two will never reach a satisfying resolution.

A Positive Standard can also be thought of as a norm, i.e., a shared principle that guides the group members in their interactions. What are your team’s norms? What would happen if you individually asked your team members to identify the team norms? How much agreement would there be? What would happen if you then conducted a full team discussion and attempted to reach consensus on the key norms of your team?

How to Engage in Positive Disagreement

I’ve pointed out a number of times how taking a Yes, And approach can help the YES! Leader maintain a positive, collaborative atmosphere.  I’ve also mentioned that saying Yes, And doesn’t necessarily mean Agreeing with another’s Position, but it does mean:

·         Accepting the Person;

·         Acknowledging the Possibilities in what he says; and

·         Advancing with Positive Purpose.

But it still seems as if we have a paradox here: What does it mean to say “Yes” to someone while disagreeing with his position?

A classic example can help illustrate this point. Let’s say that I’m scripting a scene involving two people (whom I’ll cleverly call Person A and Person B) who are eagerly eyeing an orange sitting in a bowl on a table. Imagine that I begin writing dialogue that goes something like this:

PERSON A: I want the orange!

PERSON B: No, I want the orange!

PERSON A: I want the orange!

PERSON B: No, I want the orange!

PERSON A: I want the orange!

PERSON B: No, I want the orange!

OK, this scene is going nowhere fast. I’ll wad up that attempt and try again:

PERSON A: I want the orange!

PERSON B: No, I want the orange!

PERSON A: OK, you say you want the orange – but why?

PERSON B: I want to make juice.

PERSON A: Well, I want to make marmalade.

PERSON B: In that case, here’s an idea: Why don’t I take the inside of the orange …

PERSON A: … and I’ll take the rind!

PERSON A & B (together): Brilliant!

Ah, yes, that’s much better – and let’s see why.

In Version 1, the two characters had fallen victim to what’s called Getting Stuck on a Position. As long as each character presents his “want” in terms of acquiring the only available orange, there’s no way to satisfy them both. The result is impasse and stalemate – and a complete block to further progress.

However, in Version 2, Person A decided to get unstuck from his position. He chose to Advance with Positive Purpose by exploring what interests lay behind Person B’s position. By asking that key question – Why? – he was able to find common ground with B and thereby discovered that the availability of only one orange was not a barrier to both of their interests being met.

This is how you can disagree with someone else’s position while still saying “Yes”! You don’t have to look for agreement only at the “position” level. By asking “Why?” you open yourself (and the other) to the possibilities for saying “Yes” at the “interest” level.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

Have you ever been in a business meeting where two or more participants engaged in dialogue that sounded like Version 1? Where they just repeatedly batted the same position back and forth, with maybe a few word variations but basically the same message? Was it about as productive – and as interesting – as Version 1? What would have happened if one of the participants had asked “Why?” And – shades of picking up trash in the forest – what was stopping you from asking “Why?”

Steady in the Wind: The Benefits of Consistency

In recent articles, I’ve been dealing with the question: Is it better for a leader to be flexible or to be consistent?

I think the answer is: There’s a time and a place for each. A simple answer on paper, of course, but not so simple in practice.

I’ve described some of the reasons why flexibility is a hallmark of the practice of leadership for the YES! Leader. I’ve also noted some of boundaries that must be placed on the YES! Leader’s flexibility. Today I’d like to address the question: What are some of the benefits of consistency?

I think there are at least three areas in which consistent behavior by a leader is not only beneficial but essential:

1) Predictability and Safety. Each of us has probably worked for someone with an erratic personality. He might come through the door in a calm, laid-back mood one day, screaming and yelling the next.  He may respond to a critical situation in a level-headed manner, then be set off by a small issue. You never know exactly “who” this person will be at any given time. This kind of leader creates an unsafe environment which often causes people to withhold or parcel out information for fear of the reaction it might provoke.  A leader must keep control of his emotions and reactions in order to maintain a consistent demeanor upon which others can rely.

2) Trust. In order to build trust with others, a leader needs to send a consistent message. If she communicates conflicting opinions and factual characterizations to different people at different times, or if she fails to follow through on what she says she will do, then she will quickly undermine her credibility.

Of course, consistency isn’t a matter of saying “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it” – no matter what. There may be times when she recognizes the need to vary from a previous message – say, because she learns new information that indicates the need for a course change.  In that case, she must openly and honestly acknowledge the variance, explain the reasons behind the change, and admit to any mistakes on her part.

3) Decision-Making. An effective leader must have a reliable internal compass – a sense of True North, as the author Bill George puts it – in order to provide an underlying coherence to his decisions and actions. If he seems to bend with the prevailing winds when it comes to making decisions or forming opinions (a syndrome known in the political world as “flip-flopping”), then people will quickly question whether he can be depended upon to keep a steady hand on the wheel. (And - to carry the metaphor one step further – they may well ask: Can his actions and decisions provide calm in any storm that might be encountered?)

Consistency doesn’t mean rigidly applying a set of simple rules in a black-and-white manner. Instead, it means possessing (and living) a firm set of values and principles that serve as a guideline to dealing with the sometimes gray areas of life.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

I’ve observed the ways in which flexibility is important for the YES! Leader. But consider the following:

·         Are you so flexible that you keep people off guard, not quite sure from minute to minute “who” you are – or how they should interact with you?

·         Do you sense that people are being less than totally open with you for fear of how you’ll react?

·         Are you trying so hard to be everything to everybody that nobody can take what you say at face value?

·         Can you point to a set of personal core values that guide your day-to-day (and even moment-to-moment) decisions and actions?