Saturday, July 18, 2015

A Few Quick Thoughts About Empathy

1) Empathy and sympathy are not the same thing. Sympathy means being affected by the feelings of others. Empathy means making the effort to understand why others think and feel the way they do.

2) Empathizing with someone doesn't necessarily mean you're agreeing with him; 

3) Empathizing doesn't necessarily mean you have to do it the other person's way; 

4) Empathizing gives you a chance to better understand the other person's interests and perspectives so you can potentially find common ground; 

5) Empathizing shows that you care, which in turn creates trust; 

6) Even if you don't pursue the direction the other person wants, if the person feels that you at least gave her a hearing and took her interests into account, she'll be more likely to accept your decision; 

7) Ultimately, as the leader, you have the final say. But if you take action with others' views and interests in mind, you'll be more likely to win their commitment (rather than just compliance) - which means that they'll be more likely to go the extra mile for you and the organization. 

8) Empathy is a prerequisite for influence, because we need to know what will motivate a person to change before we can take action that will lead him to change.


Sunday, May 17, 2015

You Need to Have a Goal - or Do You?

I've frequently seen references to a study conducted at Yale in 1953 which found that 3% of MBA graduates surveyed had clear written goals for their future, 13% had goals but had not written them down, and 84% had no specific goals at all. When these same graduates were surveyed ten years later, the 3% who had written goals were earning on average ten times as much as the other 97%.

This study has been cited for years to prove the point that specific, written goals are essential if you want to achieve your highest level of success. The idea is that, if you don’t know (and don’t document) where you’re going with total clarity, you’ll likely fall far short of your potential.

I’ve always been somewhat skeptical of this one-size-fits-all approach to life and career planning. After all, how many people can see with 20/20 foresight what opportunities will present themselves on life’s journey? And, just as situations change, people change. My burning ambition at age 21 to devote myself to an all-consuming career may suddenly be tempered by life events somewhere down the pike – say, my desire to spend more time with my family as I get older.

My sense that there are a variety of approaches to life and career planning is supported by research conducted by Annie McKee, founder of the Teleos Leadership Institute. McKee found that people use three different approaches to thinking about and planning for the future:

1) Goal-oriented: This is the style used by the 16% of the people cited in the Yale study. “Goal-oriented planners tend to focus on very specific goals and outcomes,” writes McKee in Becoming a Resonant Leader (co-authored with Richard Boyatzis and Frances Johnston).

2) Direction-oriented: Regarding this style, McKee writes: “Although they know the general path they wish to pursue, they stop short of getting too specific…. They adapt easily to changes in the environment, but stay true to an overarching set of principles, values, or a vision.” This style is similar to the approach I mentioned in an earlier post, in which a person sets an Aspirational Goal about the things she wants to realize in her life without locking in to a specific path or role.

3) Action-oriented: Action-oriented planners tend not to look very far down the road at all. As McKee says, “They choose each action according to the logic of the moment and base the next decision on outcomes of recent past actions.” I would call these the Improvisational Planners (to use a deliberate contradiction), who base their approach on a series of on-the-fly choices that just feel right at the moment.


With respect to these styles, McKee makes a telling observation:

“One size does not fit all when it comes to formulating a useful plan for your future [emphasis added]. When leadership development programs attempt to convince everyone to use the same format and propose one ‘best way’ [shades of Frederick Winslow Taylor!] to think about a person’s future and plans, it is not surprising that change is not sustained.”

I think that McKee’s research reflects a key point about the nature of change and growth: The more you’re able to chart a development path that reflects your own style, the more likely you’ll be able to follow it. The more you try to shoehorn yourself into an approach that doesn’t fit you, the more you’ll be continually struggling against yourself to sustain your resolve.

As with any change effort, of course, you’ll be well served by challenging yourself to do things outside of your comfort zone. In McKee’s words, “Each of the three styles has wisdom for the other; the point is to know and honor your preference and be aware of the others as you organize activities in your plan.”

But do McKee’s findings go against the conclusions drawn by the Yale study I mentioned above? Well, no – because in fact there is no such Yale study! Even though the “study” has been cited for years (with multiple variations in the retelling – some peg it to Harvard, some place it in the ‘60s, or ‘70s – all in true Urban Legend style), no evidence has been found to confirm its actual existence, as Fast Company magazine pointed out in a 1996 article. While “You Must Have a Goal” may sound like the only way to go, the research shows that it's only one approach to creating a career and life that will work for you.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Balancing Chaos and Rigidity: Using Light Structures to Guide Our Improvisation

I’ve found the concept of “improvisation in organizations” to often be a difficult sell.  Many people seem to think that “improvise” means “make it all up as you go along” – which conjures up images of multiple free agents setting off on individual courses of action that can’t be tracked, monitored, or controlled.  

In fact, though, improv follows processes and rules of engagement that guide individuals in their actions without dictating exactly what they should say or do. As Cathy Salit of the applied improvisation group Performance of a Lifetime says, “Beneath the apparent chaos of improvisation is a light structure that allows it to work.” For performance improvisers, that structure is comprised of games that frame the boundaries of the actors’ onstage performance, as well as rules (such as “Say Yes And” and “Make Your Partner Look Good”) that guide the behaviors of the actors.

Without this sense of light structure, performance improv would be nothing more than individual actors trying to upstage one another by making wisecracks and calling attention to themselves as individuals. The team aspect of improv – a central aspect of its appeal and success – would be totally lost, since there would be no unifying goal for the performers’ actions beyond trying to evoke big yuks.

The value of using “light structures” is also becoming increasingly recognized by business organizations.

Think about it from your own experience: When was the last time you arrived at work and were handed the “script of the day” to be rigidly observed until it was time to go home? Improvising is the human condition – we’re constantly improvising, from morning until night. Yet organizational life requires each of us to focus our improvisations on the accomplishment of a common goal. Structures such as a company vision, mission, core values, and work objectives allow an organization to marshal all of the individual actions of its members toward the achievement of a common purpose. These structures also allow for a degree of consistency and control in the operation of the enterprise.

However, the danger of making these structures too heavy can be illustrated by certain organizations that have tried to operate by means of overly rigid requirements. In his book To Sell Is Human, Dan Pink notes that Col. John Patterson of NCR Corporation sketched the blueprint for a sales approach that depended on saying and doing things precisely by the book in interactions with customers. Quoting Harvard business historian Walter Friedman, Pink notes:  “The ever more detailed instructions … focused ‘not only on what salesmen should say, but also on what they were to do while saying it.’”

While consistency is needed in a company’s sales methods, this approach taken to its extreme has the downside of making sellers sound robotic and inauthentic. These methods may have met with success in the days when selling was largely a formulaic, cost-benefit proposition. Selling today, though, requires building relationships with customers as much as it does pointing out features and benefits of products. And relationship-building involves give and take, going where the customer wants to go, listening carefully, and treating each customer as a unique individual – none of which is possible with a completely prearranged approach. A more lightly structured selling approach that focuses on the customer’s buying steps and the actions that can help guide (not force or push) the customer up those steps allows for sellers to recognize the needs and expectations of each individual customer while still maintaining a consistent approach.

You might say, “Well, that’s fine, but my job doesn’t involve selling anything.” But one of Pink’s main themes is that we’re all in sales now. His studies have shown that up to 40% of the workday of the typical organizational member involves what he calls non-sales selling – “persuading, influencing, and convincing others in ways that don’t involve anyone making a purchase.” Whether you’re a manager trying to negotiate for project resources, a lawyer trying to move a jury, a doctor trying to persuade a patient to follow a treatment plan, or a facilitator trying to influence a class participant to adopt a new behavior or way of thinking … you’re a salesperson. And the same light-structure approach – derived from the rules of improvisational theater - that guides the actions of the modern sales professional can guide yours as well. As Dan Pink describes them:

1) Hear Offers: As Cathy Salit says, improv performers must “listen without listening for anything.” In other words, they need to suspend the mental filters and assumptions through which they hear the words of others and which can distract them from the actual message. For example, if someone you’re trying to influence responds by asking several questions, you might interpret their failure to immediately agree with you as resistance to what you’re saying. You may then react by treating them as an adversary who needs to be “defeated.” But if you listen carefully and generously, you might realize that their questions reflect a good-faith attempt to understand what you’re saying. In effect, they may be making an offer to continue the interaction and perhaps work collaboratively toward a mutually agreeable solution.

2) Say “Yes And”:  When we say “yes and,” we maintain an attitude of positivity and possibility toward the person we’re trying to influence.  “Yes and” doesn’t necessarily mean Agreeing with the other’s Position. Rather, it means Accepting the Person, Acknowledging the Possibilities in what he or she is saying, and Advancing with Positive Purpose.

3) Make Your Partner Look Good: As mentioned above, improv is a collaborative team performance that requires the actors to allow space for their fellow team members to shine. Doing so makes for a better scene, and better success for everyone. The same holds true when you’re trying to influence someone in a certain direction: Focusing on the other’s interests as much as your own can result in creative win-win solutions that allow both of you to “shine.”