How Saying "Yes And" Can Keep You from Playing the Fool

In a recent article in The YES! Leader, I described the essence of the improviser’s art as the ability to resolve contradictions. So I was particularly intrigued to run across the latest edition of the Crucial Skills newsletter, in which consultant and author Al Switzler (Crucial Conversations, Influencer) describes a common danger to which many people – especially leaders – fall prey.

Switzler was responding to a reader’s question: “How can I be both an effective boss and also a friend to my employees?” The query was signed “Friendly Boss” – which, to many people, would be yet another instance of the kind of incongruities (e.g., being doggedly flexible, being deliberately authentic) that I dealt with in my previous article.

In reply, Switzler wrote, “The challenge you’ve presented is the perfect example of the Fool’s Choice. What we mean by this is that we can only see two options [for addressing the issue] that seem diametrically opposed. We don’t see it as a false dichotomy but as an unfortunate reality.”

Switzler’s characterization of the challenge as a “Fool’s Choice” reminds me that my references to “resolving contradictions” are really intended as shorthand for “resolving seeming contradictions.”  When we see these types of paired concepts – being friendly or being the boss, being committed to a course of action or being open to course changes, being trusting or being skeptical – as mutually exclusive, either-or choices, it’s usually because of our failure to step back and see the larger picture and the possible future. When we do take that step back, the apparent incongruities often fade away, revealing the opportunities for synthesis.

Successful leaders know that taking that step back in order to gain a broader perspective – what I’ve previously called taking the Widescreen View – is essential for navigating the ever-changing circumstances of daily organizational life. As I’ve written previously:

“Just as the successful improv performer can resolve the incongruities of the situation without missing a beat, the successful leader can nimbly shift his actions throughout the day to effectively address each circumstance. In most cases, this is preferable to taking the easier course of always applying the same style in all situations with all people – an approach guaranteed to fail at least some percentage of the time.”

Switzler, in his response to “Friendly Boss,” makes a similar point:

“What we found from studying leaders and team members is that the best performers don’t fall into the trap of managing on one end of the continuum or the other. They value getting results and getting along. They value quality and productivity as much as they value harmony. They can clarify high expectations and rally a team to be both motivated and able to accomplish them. They can have tough, honest, candid conversations with care and courtesy. They have found the ‘and.’” [emphasis added]

In improv terms, what these “best performers” are doing is avoiding Fool’s Choices and instead saying “Yes And” – or more specifically, as applied to "Friendly Boss's" situation:

“Yes, it’s important to be friendly with my direct reports while also ensuring they’re working up to standards. And if I step back, acknowledge the possibilities, and advance with positive purpose, I can find a way to achieve both goals.”