In a recent article I dealt with the question: Rather than flexing her behavior – i.e.,
acting differently around different people – shouldn’t a leader be consistent
in her behaviors?
In that article, I pointed out that I didn’t believe
there was an inherent incongruity between flexing one’s behavior and behaving
consistently. And I recently ran across a passage in the book The Art of Woo, by G. Richard Shell and
Mario Moussa, that reinforces this point.
Shell and Moussa emphasize that a person must be able to
shift his communication style in order to effectively influence others. Some
listeners you’re trying to persuade may respond to a high-level, just-the-facts
approach, while others may want to see more in-depth details and rationale.
Some listeners just want to know WIIFM? (What’s In It For Me?), while others have
a concern for how your idea will impact others. Your ability to shift the
emphasis of your message and to adapt your own communication style will help
you sell your idea (and yourself) to a greater variety of people.
But Shell and Moussa also recognize the “apparent paradox”
at work here:
“Won’t you lose credibility and self-respect if you
become a shape-shifter, changing yourself for each new audience? … Your
personal credibility, which has its roots in perceived consistency and
trustworthiness, provides the foundation for influence. Yet effective
persuaders are, [certain] authors say, ‘like chameleons, capable of adapting to
the demands of the situations they face.’”
Shell and Moussa then pose the basic question: “Is it
really possible to be a ‘credible chameleon’?”
Their answer: Yes -
but only within limits.
“You play many roles in your life such as spouse, parent,
professional, employee, boss, sports fan, customer, community leader, student,
and teacher. And in each of those roles you naturally display different aspects
of yourself…. Nevertheless, it is always just ‘you.’ There is a core set of traits, commitments, standards, and impulses
that connects you in these various roles.” (emphasis added)
The leadership expert Marshall Goldsmith also echoes this
theme about the various roles we play in our daily lives. In his article “The Born Identity,” Goldsmith points to the example of the Irish singer Bono, who
went from being a regular bloke hanging around with his mates in Dublin to being
a world-famous rock star and a tireless humanitarian. Goldsmith observes:
“He was still a regular guy, with a wife and four kids at
home, but when he was in public, his identity was clearly rock star. Without
being arrogant, he was smart enough to recognize this as an important part of
his identity.”
Bono also figures in an example cited by Shell and Moussa
in The Art of Woo. They describe an unlikely meeting between Bono
and conservative U.S. Senator Jesse Helms, whom Bono wanted to persuade to support a program
to help African countries fight AIDS. During the
meeting, Bono quickly shifted from statistics-speak (to which Helms was not
responding) to a more personal (and more effective) appeal to Helms’s Christian
concern for the poor. Inauthentic?
Manipulative? Arguably so, except that Bono himself was a born-again Christian
and a student of the Bible – yet more “roles” of his. Bono's religion-based argument was an authentic expression based on a faith he shared with Senator Helms.
I think these examples show the importance of possessing
a core set of traits and values that inform your actions in all of
your encounters. This core, this essence, comprises your consistent, authentic
self. And as you go about your life, you will wrap this core in a wide
diversity of roles that guide your behaviors as you interact with the different
people who inhabit your world. You may choose to reveal more of your self in one role, less in another. But no matter what role you're leading with, it's still you.
It’s only when the different roles you take on conflict
with certain aspects of your core – when the role of the moment becomes the
person of the moment – that your “shape-shifting” crosses into inauthentic
behavior.
REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER
·
What are the various roles that you play in
your life?
·
Which of these do you play most often?
·
Which are the most comfortable for you? The least
comfortable?
·
How does each of them track with (or not track
with) what you consider to be your core self?
·
What would happen if you played your most
comfortable role more often?
·
In what ways (if any) are you undermining your
roles by not making them reflect your core traits and values?
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