[OK, I admit it: I’m a music trivia buff (which sounds better than “nut”). So a quick quiz: What UK group had a 1967 hit with a song titled the same as the title of this post? For the answer, see below – preferably after reading the paragraphs in between.]
In my previous post, I described the tendency of many leaders in a Performance Coaching role to talk too much, rather than encouraging the Coachee to talk. Too many Coaches (and too many people in general) seem to define “Listening” as “The time I have to wait before I can talk again.” In improv terms, they’re Scriptwriting in Their Heads rather than staying in the here and now.
As I also mentioned before, one way for a Coach to encourage the Coachee to talk is to use silence strategically. I’ve noticed that Coaches seem to have a particularly difficult time with what I would call the downtime between words. In my Coaching classes, I’ve incorporated a simple yet effective way to raise the topic of silence and how we react to it.
First, offhandedly say to the group: “A lot of people are uncomfortable with silence in conversation.”
Then just keep walking across the front of the room. Shift your eyes from person to person. Smile. Clasp your hands in front of you. Keep it going for 10 … 15 … 20 seconds. Make it a pregnant pause that would do Jack Benny proud.
By now, you’ll see people shifting in their seats, smiling uncomfortably, tapping their feet and hands, maybe even doing that little snorty nervous laugh. On a good day, you’ll even get a participant who can’t stand it anymore and who bursts out, "Yes, they are!"
When it seems as if people are starting to hurt a little bit, finally break the silence by asking: “Why do you think that is?”
With the tension effectively broken, lead a discussion about what the group just experienced – why silence can conjure up such a visceral sense of discomfort, unease, even anxiety. And why befriending silence can pay dividends by providing a space that the Coachee can then verbally fill.
[And to my fellow music trivia fanatics: Thanks for reading silently until now. The answer is: the Tremeloes.]
In my previous post, I described the tendency of many leaders in a Performance Coaching role to talk too much, rather than encouraging the Coachee to talk. Too many Coaches (and too many people in general) seem to define “Listening” as “The time I have to wait before I can talk again.” In improv terms, they’re Scriptwriting in Their Heads rather than staying in the here and now.
As I also mentioned before, one way for a Coach to encourage the Coachee to talk is to use silence strategically. I’ve noticed that Coaches seem to have a particularly difficult time with what I would call the downtime between words. In my Coaching classes, I’ve incorporated a simple yet effective way to raise the topic of silence and how we react to it.
First, offhandedly say to the group: “A lot of people are uncomfortable with silence in conversation.”
Then just keep walking across the front of the room. Shift your eyes from person to person. Smile. Clasp your hands in front of you. Keep it going for 10 … 15 … 20 seconds. Make it a pregnant pause that would do Jack Benny proud.
By now, you’ll see people shifting in their seats, smiling uncomfortably, tapping their feet and hands, maybe even doing that little snorty nervous laugh. On a good day, you’ll even get a participant who can’t stand it anymore and who bursts out, "Yes, they are!"
When it seems as if people are starting to hurt a little bit, finally break the silence by asking: “Why do you think that is?”
With the tension effectively broken, lead a discussion about what the group just experienced – why silence can conjure up such a visceral sense of discomfort, unease, even anxiety. And why befriending silence can pay dividends by providing a space that the Coachee can then verbally fill.
[And to my fellow music trivia fanatics: Thanks for reading silently until now. The answer is: the Tremeloes.]
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