How to Create Great Questions to Coach Others - and Yourself

In a world in which we often just skip across the surface of topics like so many flat stones, it can be difficult to just pause and go deeper – to ask ourselves not just where we’re headed and how we’ll get there, but also why we’re headed there and what might happen if we chose a different course.

In her coaching role, the YES! Leader also needs to avoid getting drawn into this “full speed ahead” mode by asking deepening questions and truly listening to her coachee – and encouraging the coachee to listen to himself as well in order to get to that deeper level of reflection.

By making almost anything immediately available at our fingertips, technology often feeds this urge to keep moving forward as fast as possible. But it doesn’t have to be that way – if we can find ways to control the technology instead of letting it control us.  Here is one such example I recently created that utilizes a common software application to help coaches create better and deeper questions.

First, note that there are several different kinds of questions that a coach might ask:

INFORMATIONAL: These are the Who-What-When-Where questions that can help clarify the facts and figures in the coachee’s story. “You mentioned Mary – what is her role?” Or “What happened after she said that?”

ANALYTICAL: These ask the coachee to filter through the facts of his story and make some assessments and choices. For example: “Of all the issues you mentioned, which is the most important for you right now?” Or “What is the quickest, lowest-risk action you could take?”

SPECULATIVE: These ask the coachee to mentally project into the future and contemplate the potential outcomes of certain actions. “If you took that action, how do you think it would impact your issue?” “If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?”

EMOTION-ORIENTED: These are feelings-based questions that can help the coachee reflect on his motivators, desires, or concerns. “Why is resolving this issue so important to you?” “When you succeed at your effort, how will it make you feel?”

Also keep in mind that powerful coaching involves listening for and inquiring into things the coachee doesn’t say – such as a metaphor, analogy, or strong choice of words that could indicate more than meets the ear. For example, if the coachee describes another person as creating a lot of “drama” in a situation, that might be a cue to ask: “What do you mean by ‘drama’?”

The activity is conducted by utilizing the whiteboard feature of a web conferencing tool such as WebEx or Microsoft Live Meeting.  You can utilize this in the context of a virtual training exercise for coaches, mentors, or facilitators. Proceed as follows:

·         Instruct each participant to tell a 2-3 minute story on any topic he wants. (Some typical topics: My first job, my biggest success, my hometown.)

·         Before a participant tells his story, display a whiteboard and have the participant minimize his screen.

·         As the participant tells the story, the other participants use the whiteboard to type questions that seek to dive more deeply into certain parts of the story. (Supply the participants with the categories listed above ahead of time.)

·         When the participant finishes the story, have him view the questions on the whiteboard. He can answer as many as he likes right then but doesn’t have to answer them all.

·         Repeat the process for all participants.

·         After all have finished, ask each participant to identify one thing (no matter how small) he or she learned about himself or herself during the activity.

For example, in a recent session I conducted, I offered up my own story of my first job as a book editor for a large publishing company. Here are some of the questions the group generated:

·         How did this work experience influence your future career experiences?

·         What about reading excites you the most?

·         If you could go back and take one aspect of that job and apply it to your current job, what would that be?

·         If you could write your own book, what would your first book be about?

·         You mentioned your first boss was a great mentor – what did she do that reflected great mentorship?

Practicing this activity can help the YES! Leader listen for more than just the facts of a story. It can help her and the coachee listen for the meaning that often lurks beneath the facts.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE YES! LEADER

The YES! Leader can also use this exercise to help her engage in self-coaching. I came away from the above session in a decidedly reflective mood as I thought, in particular, about the parts of my editorial job that I could see in my current job. More significant, though, were the parts that I didn’t see in my current job but would like to see more of – as well as the parts that I do currently have that I didn’t have in that first job.

What would happen if you devised a set of questions that you could ask yourself every day to stay mindful about, not just the events of your life, but the meaning of those events? For example:

·         What is my purpose?

·         What did I do today that did/didn’t align with my purpose?

·         What strength did I utilize today?

·         How did I improve myself today?

·         How did I get in my own way today?

·         What word describes how I feel right now?

·         What will I do differently tomorrow?