Saying "No" to "No Negativity" - Part 2

In my previous article, I referred to two prominent motivational speakers who – in the name of positive thinking – advocated eliminating “negative people” from one’s life. This view is criticized on two counts by Barbara Ehrenreich in her book Bright-Sided.

First, says Ehrenreich, if we eliminate negative people from our lives (including our organizations), we risk becoming “cut off from reality.”

Her second criticism deals with a much more personal concern: What it means to be a friend. As she says:

“Purge everyone who 'brings you down,' and you risk being very lonely …. The challenge of family life, or group life of any kind, is to keep gauging the moods of others, accommodating to their insights, and offering comfort when needed.”

Offering comfort. Lending an ear and a shoulder. Gauging and inquiring into moods. Sensing when to give advice, when to ask the soul-searching question, when to just be quiet and let the other person vent. These are the marks of being a good friend – and a mature adult.

I think, then, that shunning “downer” people in the name of protecting our own sunny dispositions reveals another limit of positivity. Such a move not only restricts our growth but also sells us short – by overlooking the possibility that, rather than our being infected by their gloomy outlook, we could infuse the “Yes And” spirit in them and make a difference in their lives.