Effective Offers and Assertive Behavior

Improv involves the making and accepting of offers. The onstage action grinds to a halt (or never gets going in the first place) if the players don’t alternate the offering of new ideas and the accepting of those ideas via “Yes And.”

While much of the focus of improv is on accepting (to the point that “Yes And” has become virtually synonymous with improv), the offering is equally important – otherwise, there would be nothing to say “Yes And” to. And, as I mentioned in my earlier article on Nikita Khrushchev, even the mere action of accepting is insufficient to keep an interaction moving forward. While the “Yes” constitutes acceptance, it must be accompanied by an “And” that offers new or additional information that builds on the original offer. Otherwise, as Khrushchev observed, the result is a situation where the offeror becomes “yessed to death” by the acceptor.

I’ve been thinking of offer-acceptance lately as I’ve explored the topic of assertive communication. Assertive communication involves stating one’s ideas, opinions, and needs in a way that respects others. Assertiveness is often contrasted with aggressiveness, which is marked by a disregard for others’ viewpoints and feelings and seeks primarily to win – whatever the impact on others.

I think a parallel can be drawn between assertive behavior and effective offer-making on the improv stage.  In order to make effective offers, a performance improviser must provide his ideas while respecting the contributions of his fellow players and acting collaboratively to build a scene. By contrast, the ineffective offeror tries to drive or control the action in order to feed his ego and draw attention to himself and away from the team. The former acts assertively, the latter aggressively.

As a Daily Improviser, what kind of offering behaviors do you employ in your day-to-day interactions? Do you directly and forthrightly assert your ideas and views in a way that respects the contributions of others? If another person says “Yes” to your offer and adds their own “And” offer, do you “Yes And” in kind? Do you Accept the Person, Acknowledge the Possibilities in what they offer, and Advance with Positive Purpose?

Or do you subscribe to the view that “Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing”? That is, do you try to steamroller others with your opinions in an aggressive way, dismissing their opinions as obstacles to progress? Do you treat their negative reactions to your behavior as reflective of someone who “Can’t take it”?

Or do you rarely if ever make offers at all? Do you passively allow others to determine the direction that the team - and you - will follow? If asked directly for your opinion, do you just nod your head and say “Whatever anyone else wants is ok with me”? Do you "yes" others to death?

The Daily Improviser, then, can see assertive behavior as a path between aggressive behavior (on one side) and passive behavior (on the other side).